Time for a update

I have not been on this blog in far too long. I have missed sprawling my thoughts out on here and reverting back to them as time passes.It is very healing for the soul to reflect on where you have been and where you know you need to go. As time has gone by for me over this past year i have grown and evloved so very much into having a more clearer kind of mind so to speak. My wants and desires have come forth unto what i have always wanted and i can now see the future for what i had hoped it would be.

I have grown as a wife and as a mother and its been hard and emotional and its been worth every tear drop I have had and every smile that has crossed my lips. I am a better person :)

Some days its not so easy to separate where you start and where the rest of the family ends. It seems us moms tend to get lost in the every day hustle and bustle of who wants this and who needs that. Husbands seem to come first also. I have seen the light you could say on this page in the big book of life.

We as moms need to take time and love for ourselves. Without us our home and family does not run as well as it could. Why is it so bad if we need a brake ? To say "fuck it" and walk out and go refresh our thoughts. fill our cup up with some new fuel.
I am by far not a religious person but I do believe in faith and I have to wonder why it is that we as woman and moms where born to have such a concience and to feel so guilty for everything we want or need but do not get because that sheild covers the way for us.
As you can see I have struggled with this for years and years. The guilt of just going down to get a coffee or just to sit at the park with no children so I can collect my thoughts. But today I sit here and tell you that I have a new outlook.

And I will start looking out for me and what I need to fill my love cup up with . That I am a person need and what I as a mother need to make a better place in this crazy, amazing world we live in .

Friends

What a year this has been. I have "met" so many awesome, passionate people online. Who would have thought even 2 years ago that i would be surrounding myself and my family with such warm people. It has been so helpful to support each other along this journey we are all taking.

I love seeing how others live and where they live. How they play and hang out with there families. What a world we live in to be able to share things like this with others from around the world.

I know some have opinions with children that are unschooled or homeschooled and that they may not be social enough. I shake my head and laugh.
I have a few thoughts on this.

How is it working for the children that are in school? Do these children get picked on? Do they get ridiculed? Shunned? What about the "cool"kids? Are they really happy?
My children may not be surrounded by 100's of children daily and i am so very thankful for this. They have friends across the world. The will learn to become good friends and listeners. They will cherish the times they do spend with there friends when they see them instead of fighting and with each other. What good times to be had <3

What really makes a friend anyway? Is it someone who "has" to be near you in the way of physical being? See i don't think this is so. I think its all about you feelings in your heart and your vibrations in your soul who you consider a true friend.
And I am so thankful that i have many of these friends . much peace and love to all of them <3

where the heart is

I have been trying to focus on our lives here in Maine and have found such wonderful new friends here ..but.... there is a huge BUT... My heart is not here. My mind is not here. I am homesick for the South. For the warm days with the sun shining on my face, for the whispering pines , for the friendly people . It just really goes on and on. (sonic kicks ass)
I guess I had some very unrealistic expectation when moving our family up here. I thought my feelings towards my family and my in laws would change and i thought theirs would also. I guess they have in the way that are supposed to. I have more clarity on tings and how both of our families work.
I have come to love how truly different we are then all of them. To embrace our differences and how we see life and raising our children. I am so very grateful that we did come back here and that it just makes our convictions even stronger in our day to day lives.
I am sad that my children suffer from all of this and that i can only stand with them and wipe there tears and know that there is a lesson in all of this. That it is ok to feel how you feel and to sit with it.
Home is where your heart feels in should be. Where you feel most comfortable. With the sun warming your face and love in your heart <3

food & children

I read something tonight on food and children. Should you make your child go with out if they chose not to eat what you put in front of them? Really this is sad. This is the problem today with parenting. Parents feel that they are better able to make even these decisions for there child. I'm sure that the parents feel they are doing what is right. After all that is what they are programed to do. You are programmed at an early age that children do not "know" what is good for them.
So really here is another way to look at this. Would you feed something to your husband or friend and say you can only have this to eat? Would you respect that your husband or friend would be able to make that chose on there own and if they chose not to eat it you wouldn't forbid them to not eat another thing or go hungry would you ? Then why would you not hold that same respect for your child?
I know most of the time it comes down to convenience for the parents. I don't want to make something different. Why?? What is more important then your child's needs? Would it take maybe 5 minutes to make something he or she wants? You should want to your child to learn to make and believe in there decisions not hinder them.

not my business

I have found a wonderful person that i have shared some time on the phone with. She has helped me realize a few things that i have been a little "stuck" on. After so many years of being the same way (in some things) , thinking the same way and feeling the same resentment it has been a freshing new way of looking at things. What a nice change to finally realize that what anyone does is none of my business.
For instance , take my husband doing something that i don't really care for. Well really it isn't any of my business because if im in his business then i am not really taking care of mine am I? I would not be in my own business 100% . I stepped back and truly looked at myself after this conversation and it was like a slap in the face. It was a very eye opening time for. I have always been so very stressed about what he was doing and why he wasn't doing this or that and why he wasn't doing it the way "i" wanted him to be. While all the time i was not fully being where i needed to be. In my OWN BUSINESS!!

small spaces

As i look around at our temporary home i see mess, clutter, dirt, ciaos, stuff. Then when i blink and shift my thoughts i see love, warmth, living, free, closeness, touch, sent, laughter, expressions, uniqueness, brightness, intelligencer, spirit, tolerance, caring, happiness, joy,togetherness.
I am thankful for this moment . I am grateful to be here and now. I am in love with my present place <3